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[09 Apr 2007|11:15am] |
♥
i think i had the best weekend ever. haha thursday after school, i chilled with scott and kendra for a bit. then ran into wil in wakefield. :] then about 2 hours later, i dropped kendra and scott off and picked wil up in cambridge. i was late. :[ i felt so bad. but he was there. haha and not too happy, but happy to see me. haha then i drove to his house so he could shower and get changed. then we went back to my house and then went to the mall then kfc and kelly's. haha then he left around 1 am. :[ friday, i had no school but i had work. so after work, amie showed up and we went to quincy. i picked wil up and amie went in josh's car. we went to BK and then to my house. amie and josh did their own thing. me and wil went to bed around 3:30 am and i woke up the next day at like 7, showered, walked around, then woke him up at 9. we laid in bed and watched tv for a while then got ready and drove to his house to get extra clothes, then to the mall but it was too packed so we went home. then we went to fudruckers (wil's first time.) awesomeeee. then we went to DQ and then blockbuster and didnt even get to watch the movies. ;] lol oh well. he stayed over saturday night too. that was bommmb. we didnt get to sleep until like 4-5 am. haha then woke up at 11. happy easter. he met my family, they all LOVEDDD him. :] it was fun. then around 9 pm me and amie drove wil to his house and chilled there with him and josh. now im sad. he's at work. and i have work laterrr. :[ i hope im seeing him tomorrow.
i love him. :]
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[05 Apr 2007|07:02am] |
:]
things are awesomeee. wil is amazing. amie is my girrrl. josh is hilarious. i love everyone. :p haha
yeah last weekend was abosultely amazing. wil stayed over friday night which was fun. yes we slept in the same bed. get over it. then i picked amie up saturday and we headed down there and met up with josh and ended up going to wil's house. he ended up staying over again. sunday i went to work and then went home to find wil asleep in my bed. haha we went and got ice cream and cesear wraps and monsters. :D haha then we chilled all night. we picked amie up and met up with josh and then just chilled at wil's for a while.
:] i LOVE that boy a million.
monday i worked. ew. tuesday me and amie coned our parents and drove down to quincy to chill with our men. :] we chilled at wil's and watched him eat and watched josh try to fit into amie's sweatshirt. it was awesome. so funny. i love them.
id be lost without the 3 of them.
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[14 Mar 2007|02:35pm] |
please?
everything has been good. though ive been pretty much on the edge lately. ive been flipping on people. pretty bad. sorry. i really hurt myself when i flipped out on wil, amie and josh. it wasnt me. ugh.
yesterday was kind of awkward. wil's been going through some hard stuff lately and im here for him but i feel like i cant help him. =( i feel useless. yesterday he was supposed to come up but couldnt. then told me he'd call me and never did. i know where he is now but i just wanna know everything is ok. i know what it is but i also feel like its me. please help me God.
i hope i can see him SOON. im going out of my mind. i left school early. im so lost and confused. bruised. broken. sick. im not me. a piece of me is missing. well im off to work. =\
all i ask is that God help me out. let me know everything is ok and make things good. pleaseee.
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[25 Feb 2007|11:56pm] |
omg. i love him!
i really think i had the best weekend. even though im afraid to be affectionate around people..ehhh. but yeah. friday, wil and josh came up and my dad attacked us at home and made us watch some of his dvds. we broke loose and had fun. haha then saturday, wil came up and chilled with me at mi casa which was awesome. then around 11, amie and josh came over and we went to revere to go to the movies. didnt end up doing that. then we went to wendy's for josh and wil decided he thought it'd be cool to go through the drive-thru backwards. i talked him out of it but josh did it anyways. someone called the cops. we got out of there. then josh had to leave around 12 so him and amie went home. then wil left around 1 a.m. sunday, they came up at around 3. we chilled. i was pmsing. (sorry baby.) then amie and josh left for a bit and me and wil talked in my room. =) then we met up and josh and wil left. so i hung out with amie and got starbucks and saw my dream house. =D wil came back around 8:30 and came over to play guitar for my dad. he's incredible. my dad went to bed and we got the couch. =) im so in love with this kid. he keeps telling me he wants me to mother his kids and we talk about our future together. it's early but i want to marry him. and he asked me. i said yes. =)
tomorrow is back to school and my first day of work. =(
i love him. more than you know.
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[22 Feb 2007|07:23am] |
well everything is good i guess. im happy, sometimes. at certain times. not now. everything sucks. i dont get a vacation this week because im training for my new job at the bank. so im up every day at 6 a.m. like a regular school week and going to lynn to train. eh. blow me. at least im getting paid.
last weekend was probably the best weekend ever. me and amie decided to put together a camping trip for me, wil, her and josh. it worked. we "slept" in her explorer (well wil slept, we talked and made jokes.) it was awesome. i got to lay next to wil all night and just talk and laugh and yeeeahhh. we drank a little. mm. the next day, we were all beat. wil was kind of AWAKE but thats because he slept for like 4 1/2 hours. bastard. they left us around 1:30 in the afternoon and then me and mom went shopping for clothes. not something i wanted to do after not sleeping the whole night. oh well. i ended up not really even sleeping. monday, i hung out with nicole. wil was supposed to come back but couldnt. tuesday, i hung out with kendra after training. we played guitar hero. i deffffff ruined some good songs. :p yesterday, i went home after training, did some stuff and picked amie up from work and waited for our boys. amie all of a sudden got a days worth of texts from josh and then it just turned out her boy was coming up. wil got pissed at something and decided to stay home. i guess i cant cheer him up? well thats cool. im fuckin helpless, cant even help my fiance feel better. ugh. the night was filled with weird emotions. i feel like shit now. last night was a waste of like 4-5 hours. sorry amie and josh but you know. i didnt sleep. i dont feel like eating. i feel like i gained 50 pounds in my sleep. i feel gross. i feel useless. im upset. people i havent talked to in like a month talked to me yesterday and feelings came out from them. i didnt really want to hear it but i had to. i also fell down the ladder and now im in the street laying there getting hit by cars. my heart is broken. im so confused. i just want everything to make sense again. but thats only when wil's around. who knows when that will happen again. i really dont feel like going to training today. i dont want to sit in a room for 6 hours and listen to talking. i have no choice. 2 more days. fuuuuuuck.
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[10 Feb 2007|12:14am] |
tryin to catch me ridin dirty
woo fun night. it took like 7 years for the clock to reach 2 pm today. i thought i was going to die. after school, i showered and added A TON of music to my ipod and got ready to go outtt. :] i picked up amie and we finished getting ready. i said to my parents "if you call AT ALL tonight, i am NOT coming home." so my dad said "ill call you in 5 minutes." yeeah. he loves me. then we met up with wil and josh and hung out in the woods. it was wicked sweet. i loved just staring at the stars with wil. it felt like a dream. we drove more into andover and then went to a park in north reading and chilled in the parking lot. that was hawwwwwt. then we moved on to the jordan's parking lot. yeah a cop didnt want us there. he shined his flashlight. he asked for my lisence and made wil get out of the car. we were gonna go some where else but i GUESS i rolled thru 2 stop signs so we got pulled over, with a warning, and then the flashlight cop came back and said "you should have went the other way." thanks. then another cop stopped. yeah that was fun. i was glad to be with wil, amie and josh.
the night couldnt have been more perfect.
i love you wil. ♥
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[07 Feb 2007|08:24pm] |
i am 30 Seconds to Mars
school sucked. duh. me and danielle skipped 2nd period and went to bagel world to find carpentry and mr. j. haha mad funny. me and danielle almost died. i worked for amie today. she works for me tomorrow so i can have more time with wil.. i hope. :]
time to lay down.
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[06 Feb 2007|08:21pm] |
it's the good life.
everything's good now :D no more pain. im totally 100% happy. i gotta new job and an AMAZINGGG boyfriend. he's sooo sweet. he sweeps me off my feet and amazes me more and more each day. i'm so glad i met him and so glad he picked me to talk to. :] [wil <3] im starting my job at Eastern Bank in 2 weeks. wicked sweet. pays good. good hours. i love ittt. bye bye hardware store. :]
welll, last weekend, friday was fun. almost hung out with wil but he couldnt so we bothered scott at work. [kendra, amie, and raychel ily girls] saturday i worked and then hung out with my 3 girlss and scott. we had boston market at my house then went to Jordan's with wil and his friends. kind of a weird night. amie, kendra and raychel slept over and wil had me falling for him once again. sunday, raychel had to work early. then me, amie and kendra went to mcdonald's for breakfast then hung out at home and watched Simple Plan. haha then amie left and wil, josh and scott came home. wil left early again. but he did have me falling for him AGAIN! me, kendra, amie, raychel and scott all hung out. drove around a little. picked shane up for work. he tried to get me lost but i knew what i was doing. but i did get lost trying to get kendra home. i was supposed to go to wil's but he couldnt do anything so i stayed with amie and raychel :] i lovee them. monday i went to school and wil came over for the night. :] he asked me out in the cutest way but i kind of ruined it. haha but he's adorable. and i couldnt be happier that i said yes. :D i cant wait to be in his arms again.
oh and tonight with nicole: efffin funnnnn!! haha i love that chick!
time for a showerrr. pce.
babyy <3 02-05-07
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[14 Jan 2007|08:55pm] |
inside jokes from the weekend crew.
speedbump.
take a right. left. right.
heavy u-turns.
SHANE!! WHATTTT!!!??
shane, i love you.
we're gonna hear 'oh fuck' and he's gonna fall.
godzilla!
reminds me of jurassic park.
me: zack get my phone.
zack: uh.. i cant do that!
stupid rebecca.
no no turn the lights on!
more? lemme know weekend creww.
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[14 Jan 2007|08:23pm] |
SPEEDBUMP!
life has been going up and down for me. i lost my pann job because they're going down. hart's cut my hours. im broke. i cant pay for my car much longer. i applied everywhere. and there are alot of places hiring. so lets cross our fingers.
well omg. i had the best weekend.. but im pissed im home now because i dont have school tomorrow. friday, i got out of pann early, went home, got ready. picked up amie. picked up shane, eddie and tyler. park hopped. drove around. had alottt of fun. me and amie had a drinking game. video taped it. haha mad funnyyy stuff. i slept over. :] saturday, we woke up. chilled out. hung out with raychel. looked for some jobs. drove around. shane called and we got all excited. the night before he said he had a lot of stuff to do on saturday and he couldnt hang out. so amie goes "ok, so 7?" and he flat out said "no." but thennn saturday at 6:55 he called and said "come get me. lets go cruising." so we did. me, amie, raychel, shane, eddie, zack and tyler. all in my car. yes, we fit. it was azmazing and a tight squezze.we park hopped again in the freezing cold. drove around and blasted my tunes. then we dropped everyone off and i slept over amie's again. sunday morning, we woke up chilled around again and relaxed then went job hunting again. i filled out SOOO MANY applications. i need a job. then i gave my aunt back her car and me and amie made food. then i took my uncle's explorer and picked up raychel at work and the 3 of us went to kohl's. i filled out an application and put on make up. :D we took pics and what not. then we went back to amie's and watched hannah montana and i had to leave because my parents wanted to be bitches. but it's icey and gross out. but i want to go to shane's with them! im sooo mad. uggh. save me? :] tomorrrrowww <3
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[28 Dec 2006|11:18pm] |
?
yeeeeeah. so it's all ups and downs and i dont know what the hell is going on anymore. christmas was good. the beginning of the week was good. i dont know why im so unhappy all the time. i can never have what i want. im in a lot of pain. i cant seem to get my head or heart together. ive been having fun. but its not enough right now. i need to have time to myself but its too hard for me when i like being with people. ugh. but im gonna be more happy. life is good to me.
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[19 Dec 2006|05:23pm] |
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P.S. WHO WANTS TO BUY ME BRUIN'S TICKETS FOR CHRISTMAS? EH EH? YEAAHHH. I'LL FUCKING FLIIIIP.
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[19 Dec 2006|05:06pm] |
let's ride, let's ride.
life is good. sometimes. it's what i make it. i make it good. i'm broke but i don't care. i'm going to be better with money after christmas. i hope. i promise. i have a ton of new year's resolutions i want to make come true. i'm only one person. one of them is killing chris and stickey at pong. oh it will happen. i need to lose weight. i need to save money. i need to be a better person. i need to stop caring. etc. so kendra's grounded. that suckssss. bad. i miss her. i'm not allowed to drive her to school anymore. arg. i've been with amie alot. :D :D i love her. she works at the hardware store now. poor girl. she got sucked in. she's my replacement every other week. greg says im washed up. pfft. never. he doesn't know Megan. co-op is siccck. i hate traffic and have major road rage but im getting paidddd suckers. christmas is in 6 days. holy shittt.
i like you. :]<3
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[10 Dec 2006|09:00pm] |
haha. im over it.
i guesssss. i guess im crazy. whatever. your a child.
last week was the longest week of my life. i would have rather watched paint dry. work was ok for a while. i couldnt do anything after because i was grounded. so this weekend i chilllled. hung out with amie friday night and pissed people off. sorry. that sucked. but it was fun other than that. saturday i got the taurus fixed and worked then chilled with amie until midnight. we saw chris. amie's crazy. and i did some illegal stuff. but shh. that was good. then i got to hang out with kendra sunday. we got food and just chilled. i talked to scott. yeah. then i watched emily rose with amie and uncle cliff. then kelly decided to be a dickhead so my dad yelled at me to go home. so i didnt. i drove around. the end. now im pissed and home. lonely. im listenin to nysnc. wtf.
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[10 Dec 2006|08:44pm] |
babyyyy <3
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[30 Nov 2006|05:08pm] |
god hates me.
school sucks. i hate going there now. my car is slowly shitting the bed.
i feel selfish and i hate who i am. i hate how i handle things. i hate how i treat people and how people think im trying to treat them. the one thing i dont do is own someone. i would never say that. and i dont try to posess people. i dont want to make someone into something they're not.
i want things to be back to the way they were, when i was happy. it's pretty sad how i need to depend on people to make me happy. all these memories keep playing over in my head. it all went by so fast. it didnt feel like i had any time to breathe. i didnt have time to fix myself before things got "bad". i didnt have time to be a better person. i wish i could go back and fix things. maybe.
im sorry.
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[26 Nov 2006|11:12pm] |
thanks.
amie slept over. woke up and made breakfast. weird dream. every dream i've had the past 4 nights are supposed to be what next week is going to be like. it showed me monday, tuesday, wednesday and thursday. kind of weird. i had a dream last week about what the next day was going to be like.. and it came true. im freaked out.
today was fun. went through the car wash with amie and kendra. me and amie vacuumed all morning. haha my car is cleeean. then we went to d'angelo's. we picked up scott and drove around until eddie got out of work. then we all hung out in the basement and watched scarface. eddie beat the crap out of me and now my arms are brusied and they kiiiillll. he's funny. i was his chair all night. :p and punching bag. then there was a snow storm in the basement and we had to vacuum eddie off. ah fun. but im dead and i need sleep. <|3 peace
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[26 Nov 2006|12:40am] |
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music |
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keep holding on. |
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wow. just wow.
i love amie. and i love kendra. they made me feel soo much better tonight. i had a bad encounter with someone. it was funny at first then i just ended up pissed off. so amie and kendra decided they'd hang out with each other and me. which is awesome cuz i hate when my best friends fight. so we just hung out and got dinner. then we drove around and had fun. i love them and i feel soo much better when im with them. all i did on the way to kendra's was cry. i couldnt help it. i couldnt hold it in. but yeah. im with amie now and im keeping a good smile going. haha we're reading some reeeeealllllyyyy funny stuff. :]
but now amie's snorting to keep me laughing.
just keep smiling. even if it's fake.
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[25 Nov 2006|11:46am] |
[from stickey's away message]
Just take a fucking good look at just what you did.
You set a raging fire in the heart of a kid.
Your words, and the message you sent,
are held in my heart as they burn inside my head.
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[25 Nov 2006|11:46am] |
not happy anymore.
ok so maybe i dont love life TOO much. actually, it hates me. all the dreams i have been having have been coming true. more like nightmares coming true. me and doug are no more. no one can ever hang out. i dont eat a lot anymore and i never eat when im home so my parents think im turning annorexic. my dad is always pissed at me for stupid reasons so im always getting yelled at. im not allowed to do what i want so i have to lie. i hate lying to my parents. i always feel guilty. i feel annoying and obsessive.
all i want is to feel happy for more than 5 minutes. i want to feel wanted and loved/liked. i want to have "someone" to run to when i reallyyy need them. i want to sit on the phone for hours with someone and learn something new about them every day. i want to cuddle. i want to kiss. i want to hug. i want someone.
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